About Moi

I might as well post some facts about me. This is more or less for me to lay out some solid facts about myself, or to at least see what I come up with. You know those get-to-know-each-other games that seem to be thrust upon us at the beginning of every school year? (Yes, even in university, because we played one in my tutorial last year) - the ones like "tell us your name, where you're from, and an 'interesting fact about yourself'"? Am I the only one who always gets stumped by the last bit?  Name, hometown? Easy-peasy. Interesting fact about myself? That one always leaves me scrambling in a panic to find something to say. It always ends up being something lame that I use all the time, like "I play the piano" or "I'm half-Portuguese".  I like to think there are more interesting things about me than those two, but, who knows, really.
So, let's see.

• My full name is Amanda Marie Teixeira (pronounced tay-shay-duh; mum's maiden name) Hunt
• The "(pronounced tay-shay-duh; mum's maiden name)" is in fact NOT a part of my full name.
• My favourite colour is Forest Green
• I really like trees
• I love being in forests, or nature in general
• I adore Newfoundland
• Much of my family resides in Newfoundland in a small town called Gaultois
• I really like pretty pictures of landscapes
• I love old things. Antiques, old buildings, or any place or object with an old story
• My favourite band, if you asked any of my close friends, is Bon Iver
•  I am a very nostalgic person, and I haven't figured out whether it is something I like about myself
• I love Band of Horses
• If I had to pick a favourite Bon Iver song, it'd be either "Beach Baby" or "Blood Bank", depending on the day
• I live on the coast and can't imagine ever living inland. I love the ocean and will always need to be near it
• I'd sooner take a trip to British Columbia or somewhere in Europe than go anywhere down south
• I speak Portuguese
• I've never been to Europe
• I definitely talk like a Maritimer
• I'm in university studying Journalism
• Autumn is my FAVOURITE season
• I love jeans and sweaters
• I love high waisted pants
• like really really love them
• I like camping, because trees
• I also like fishing
• I like being out on the water
• I have a pet dog. His name is Cooper
• I've only moved once, and it was down the hill from where I originally lived
• This house is way better though   
• I went to two different elementary schools
• The first one closed when I was in grade 3
•  I'm not really friends with anyone from the first elementary school anymore
• I have a really, really, REALLY big crush on Ed Sheeran
• But really. I do love his music.
• .........He's just so cute
• I'm pretty much a folk junkie
• I play guitar
• I played clarinet in my school band from grade 6 to grade 12. 
• I've been to New York City three times
• I've been to Disney World three times; two times I was there for my birthday
• I've been to Harry Potter world, which leads me to my next point;
• I really love Harry Potter
• Like a lot
• I like "Into the Wild" by Jon Krakauer. Christopher McCandless's story fascinates me; it has since I was 14
• I'm not sure why; perhaps because it's something I don't think I could ever do myself, or just sheer admiration. Probably a combination of the two. 
• I stay up late too much
• I drink excessive amounts of coffee, sometimes substituted with tea and/or chai lattes
• I've had straight-across bangs for the majority of my life. It just works.
• I have naturally curly hair. It has made me lazy with my hair.
•  I've recently decided I like hiking, because trees
• I like peaceful places and fresh air, because I find they always humble me and make me stop for a moment 
• I'm shy
• I'm absolutely terrified of spiders. Terrified. 

It's a weird list. Kind of fun to compile, though. I'd recommend it. You can learn a lot about yourself, I think.  Whenever you have the time, just sit down and write about yourself. Lord knows we don't get to talk about ourselves very much anyway; I, personally, really don't like talking about myself, at least not in person.

Here, have a song:

Dreamy Summer Tunes and Dreams

I’ve been thinking a lot lately.  It’s summer, so I’ve got loads of spare time to do just that.  I’ve come to realize that I have this, “dream”, I guess you could call it.  I know that it is a dream because it’s an idea that’s been around in my mind for the past two years or so. 

            I’m currently going to school for my Bachelor’s Degree in Journalism.  I love it so far, don’t get me wrong.  And I really want to be a journalist.  But I can also see myself having my own little coffee shop.  It would be a dream come true for me.  What inspired me to write this just now was listening to Kommode’s song “Patient”, which I’ve linked above for your listening pleasure.  I can just imagine a cozy little café in a small(ish) city, just tucked away downtown with nice big windows to let plenty of light in.  The space would be lofty, maybe with some exposed brick walls.  I can picture having this song (among a myriad of others) playing through the speakers to a few patrons sipping lattes and coffee, perhaps reading or doing some work. 

            Of course, that’s a far way off, if it ever happens.  It’s nice to think about, though.  This looks like it’ll be a fairly short post, so I won’t bother dragging it out.  Anyone else out there have any dreams or aspirations they want to share? 

            Summer’s here, enjoy!

Home Is Where The Heart Is

Sometimes, it’s nice to just go for a walk, you know?  To just be alone with your thoughts, but without going crazy, because you’re not cooped up in your house, but surrounded by new things, different things.  It breaks up the monotony.  Me?  I like taking walks in places where there are trees.  Trees are just so nice, though I’m not sure why I find them so.  I just really love trees – I want to go to British Colombia primarily because I want to see giant trees and spend time in beautiful parks. 

My favorite colour is green.  I sometimes wonder whether I like trees because of that fact, or if I like green because I like trees.  It’s strange to think of it that way, and I can never figure it out.  I’m not really sure what I’m going on about.

Anyway, the song I’m posting today is “Dilly” by Band of Horses.  I haven’t listened to this album in a while, and I still love it as much as I did, what, two years ago now?  I only realized that as I just typed it there.  Weird.  I only know it’s been two years because I listened to Band of Horses on the drive to Newfoundland last time I went.  As I listen to it now, I’m getting excited again.  It’s really good driving music, especially at night.  I specifically remember driving over Kelly’s mountain in Cape Breton (Nova Scotia, Canada) on the way to catch the ferry.  It was getting dark, and it was a clear night.  My grandmother sat in the passenger’s seat, and she was napping.  Dad was driving, listening to some radio station.  My brother was listening to music quietly to my right.  I remember listening to one of the more mellow songs on this album, with my head leaning against the van window, looking up at the stars, gazing at the headlights as they came towards us and passed us, and seeing the reflection of the speedometer and dashboard lights in the front window.  I think I was listening to “Evening Kitchen” at one point, because every time I hear this song I think of that memory.   It was extremely soothing, I felt so relaxed.  There’s just something about a driving down a dark highway in silence, listening to your favorite song and watching the outlines of evergreens against the night sky pass in a blur.  What’s even nicer is that because it was so far out, there were no streetlamps for a long time.  Just you, the road, and the center yellow line. 

I also remember this weird feeling of anticipation, mingled with a bit of nervousness, and capped with an underlying sense of excitement.  I hadn’t been to Gaultois in about three years, and a lot can happen between being freshly 14 and freshly 17.  I hadn’t seen my family there in so long, and I wasn’t sure what to expect.  I also didn’t know what to expect of Gaultois.  My memories of time there that last summer weren’t the most clear.  It is a place that never changes, though, save for the ever-shrinking population (I’ve recently learned that the number is now below 200).  That makes me quite sad, because it is such a beautiful place.  Being there two years ago was like my first true experience there, because both other times, I had been so young.  I remember everything quite vividly from that summer, though.  It’s the perfect place to unplug from the world.  All of a sudden, I’m outside in the fresh air, walking around a town too small for cars, fishing, or sitting on a wharf and ignoring Facebook, an annoying constant in my life.  What surprised me was how good I felt there.  I was truly happy.  Not ecstatic, or hyper, but just happy.  I felt very much at peace. 

I remember the feeling when we finally got to the ferry terminal in North Sydney, and parking in a lane full of other cars waiting to board the ferry at midnight.  We got out to go use the bathroom and buy some snacks inside the terminal.  It’s just a small building, nothing fancy.  It startled me how familiar it felt when I walked in.  It, too, didn’t change a bit.  The claw machine that my cousin won a stuffed “Ollie” from Garfield was in the same place it was three years ago – in a dimly lit hallway outside the washrooms, not too far from the dark room where they were playing a movie.  It was comforting, and added to my excitement.  I almost think sometimes I’ll cry when I see Gaultois coming into view this summer.  I love that place so much, and it’s so strange, because I’m very much a city-girl, sometimes.        I guess I love the simplicity of it.  Gravel roads, colourful houses, and kids playing normal, outdoorsy games that kids in the city don’t play too much these days.  No one cares what you look like, there.  There’s no need to doll yourself up.  Instead, you get to let your hair do its own thing, or pull it back into a ponytail, and wear comfy, practical clothes.  What I might love most, though, is the sheer nothingness of the whole of Newfoundland.  You drive for hours without seeing a town.  It’s such a vast, untouched expanse of land.  It’s so pure.  Everything’s so calm and laid-back.  It’s truly a vacation. I'll post some photos below, because I wish I could share this place with the world.  (I also hate to be a nuisance, but if you're out there, feel free to comment and share your thoughts!)

I guess that was a fairly pointless post, but it’s nice to write what’s on your mind sometimes, don’t you think? 

Have a good night, or day, reader, if you’re out there. 

Just off the ferry, in Newfoundland

View of the mountains on the second ferry to get to Gaultois

Gaultois

A Late-night Rant

It’s been a while, I know.  Oops.  There's a lovely Youth Lagoon song for you above, and uh, here’s a rant?

Since him, I’ve changed a lot.

Perhaps not necessarily for the better, but not for worse, either. 

Maybe I could say I’ve grown up a lot, but that all depends on what you call growing up.  Is it drinking underage?  Binge drinking?  Smoking your first cigarette?  First joint?  Becoming a bigger cynic than you ever were?  Becoming jaded?  Maybe that’s just being immature – who’s to say, really?  I know I still have a lot of growing up to do, though I believe everyone still has maturing and growing to do every day of their lives, up until that of their dying.  After all, if you’re not still learning, what’s the point; are you even technically living then?

I guess the real point is that he did change me.  I’m glad that he did, though.  Through our relationship, or whatever it really was I learned so much about myself because he forced me to think.  He read me like an open book and forced me to think about everything.  I want to be as close as we were, like friends, but I don’t know how and don’t know if he’d even want that. I miss him but don’t want him to think I only want him the way I used to. 

It’s not that I do.  But it’s not that I don’t, either.

I am over it.  I know I am because I can talk to him and smile and it isn’t fake.  It doesn’t hurt like it used to and I have my closure.  But I wish I could tell him everything the way I used to.  No judgments, and his advice always sincere.  Either way, I can’t say I regret having him in my life, because who I am now happened through that.  And for the most part, I’m happy. 

Where I seem to be running into issues again, however, is with my body image.  I firmly believe that was doing much better.  But my old problems have come back to haunt me and I’ve done some less-than-healthy things.  Like skipping meals.  Eating the bare-minimum.  Take a few weeks ago, for example.  I had a great night with some guy, and it meant nothing and it was fine.  But he acted like it meant something and then after a bad day it went to shit.  Fine.  But a girl that he was talking to at the time as well was stunning and gorgeous and thin, and I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy (that I now know was pointless, really). 

But for that week I stopped eating.  I worked all night shifts that week, and both of my parents were at work during the day.  That made things a hell of a lot easier.  So I’d wake up in the morning and maybe have some toast, and multiple cups of tea or coffee, whatever I was feeling at the time.  I’d skip lunch (I’ve always hated lunch anyway, it’s a dumb meal).  On break at work I’d get coffee again.  And maybe a whole-wheat bagel.  If my stomach started to pain or growl I’d ignore it and after five minutes it would pass and I’d be okay for another couple of hours.

I’ve stopped going out of my way to skip meals now but I’m still not secure with myself at all.  The more I talk about it aloud or read it over as I’m typing it now, the stupider it sounds.  It sounds so self-pitying and I can’t help that.  But it’s this massive obstacle in my life that I’ve never been able to overcome, it’s always there no matter what I do, it always comes back.  I’ve never been able to talk completely about it to anyone either because it just sounds so dumb when I say it out loud. 

I know my friends listen when I try to talk about, and I know they’d try to help me.  They’re all fantastic in that way.  But no matter how many times they tell me I’m “pretty” or any version of the word, I just can’t ever feel it.  It’s incredibly difficult, because I feel like it’s a stupid problem but I can’t get rid of it, no matter what I do.  Even when I lose weight I feel like I need to lose more and more, and I could name off a million things wrong with my body in a heartbeat. 

It just sucks. 

On top of that, I think I’ve done something wrong and a friend is upset with me.  I don’t know why and it’s driving me crazy and I don’t know what to do.  I don’t want to be annoying but I’d rather hear her complete honesty than pretend there isn’t something wrong.  Actually, multiply that by two. 

It’s just a weird situation and I feel very close to cracking. 

In the end I’m sure I’ll be fine.  I just needed a rant, I think. 

Catching Up

Well, it's been a while.  Oops.
     I guess I've been rather busy.  School, work, and stress, all lead to this "blog" (I use the term loosely) being put on the back burner.  I swear though, I was productive the whole time.  Well, most of it anyway.  Take last weekend, for example.  I cleaned my bedroom (which was an apocalyptic mess) and was feeling so productive that my energy spilled into cleaning out my closet.  If you knew me, you'd know that cleaning my closet was a monumental task.  I haven't properly cleaned it out in literally AGES.  Needless to say, four bags of (donated) clothes, 4 boxes removed and a whack of laundry and folding later, I finally have my closet back.  I'm really happy.  It's nice having a clean room, it makes me want to spend time in here, which leads to more productivity school-wise.  I feel less stressed, also, because chaotic environments are, well, stressful and chaotic.
     School has been busier and more stressful as well because the year is coming to a close.  I can't get over it, myself.  First year of university done already?  It's crazy.  I think I'll miss FYP a little.  It's been fun (sort of).  I learned a lot, and made some wonderful friends over the course of the (short) year.  I do, however, understand now why university ends in April.  A few more months of this and I'm not quite sure I would've made it.  BUT I have made it, and am really looking forward to summer, even if it's technically still two or three months away.
     To add to my stress, I received my "Notice of Termination of Employment" from Zellers a few days ago.  The store I work at is closing in December.  I'm glad they gave us eight months notice, yes; that's plenty of time to figure stuff out.  Regardless, seeing "termination" in any letter is a little unnerving, as it's not really the nicest word.  Plus, I (probably naively) hoped, when I got the job two and a half years ago, that I'd be able to just stick with it until I no longer needed a part time job (AKA until I finished university and got a real job).  So it kind of sucks that I have to find another place to work - there's no way I can stick around until the end if it's my only job.  No one will be hiring mid-December, and no one will be hiring for a few months after, either.
     What else?  Nothing really I suppose.  I'm excited for some friends to come home from school this month.  I'm excited to turn 19.  I'm excited for my friends to come over and make smoothies on Wednesday after our last class.  Easter's coming up.  Chocolate is everywhere, it's killer.
     It's also been sunnier out lately, which effects my mood rather drastically.  I get out of bed five times faster if the sun's out than I do if it's gray, cloudy and cold.  The days are getting longer, and summer is just so close and it makes me so happy.
     In summary: sorry (to no one) that I haven't posted in ages.  Good luck if you're writing exams this month.  Here's to a good month for everyone! I'll leave a song here, listen if you'd like.  I listened to it in the springtime a lot in late junior high and early high school.  It's still good, still applicable and I still like it.  Hopefully you will, too. Best wishes, guys.  Just a few more weeks and school is done!

Warmth

     There's something about a "warm" sounding song that I just love.  It's hard to even describe what "warm" sounds like, but it's just that.  It's comforting.  To me, warm songs remind me of places, specific events, and people.  I once described a song to an old friend I once had as feeling like "a warm blanket around me".  That song was Re: Stacks by Bon Iver.  I still love that song, and think I always will.  There are more songs that are like warm blankets to me, now.  Some make me reminisce, dream, remember; others make me smile, dream, and take me far away.  I've realized over the past two or so years that I love folk-y music, and that if someone asked me what type of music I listened to, that should be my go-to answer.  The song that "inspired" this post is Upward Over The Mountain by Iron & Wine (above).  I hadn't listened to them for a while, and then put a mix I found on for some essay-writing music.  This song came on and I fell in love all over again.
     This song makes me think of the forest and summer.  It makes me want so badly to just go sit by the lake while the sun, warm on our faces, sets.  We'll maybe crack a beer or two, maybe someone will have their guitar, or we'll just have a portable radio and put this song on.  It makes me crave bare feet in the sand but no tropical beaches come to mind.  I see maritime beaches, ocean or lake, with tall grass and boardwalks or pine trees silhouetted against the sky rather than palm trees.  Not that there's anything wrong with the tropics, I'd love to go someday, but I just want my Nova Scotian summer.
     I miss bonfires on the beach, with blankets and oversize hoodies for when it gets cold.  I miss evening walks through the suburbs sipping Tim Hortons coffee.  I miss late-night drives with my friends, going out to one of their cottages and just talking about our lives.  We'd grab some beer, drive out, get out of the car and stand in the dark by the lake or sit on the patio - we never had the keys.  And then we'd drive around sometimes, listen to music and sing at the top of our lungs.  It was simple and that's what I loved about it.  I remember one night I went camping with a friend's family and another friend to watch the meteor shower.  We found this flat slab of rock on a cliff and brought a blanket out with us and lay on it for a few hours, staring up at the sky with the lake meters below our feet.  It was just so calm, peaceful and nice; I don't think I could've asked for anything more. 
     Over the past two years I've discovered that these are things I love - I hate bugs but I adore camping, and just being out in the trees.  There's something soothing about it.  There are big places where I want to go and see but for now I'm happy just going out of town for a weekend and sitting around a campfire, singing songs and having a few drinks.  So here's to just a few more months until the warmth of sun is back, and we can just be teenagers again.
     We'll sit around and do nothing, and love every moment of it.

Far-Off Places

Close your eyes and listen to this.  What do you see?
It has this strange beauty to it. It has a certain nostalgia to it, in a sense.  I hear this and see sunshine.  I can't distinguish the season, it doesn't matter.  I just feel warm sun on my skin, and the rest is simplicity.
If the season is summer, I see tall grass.  It's dusk and the sun is setting.  The glow of the sun is warm and orange, casting mysterious shadows, giving the individual strands of grass their own auras.  The trees against the skyline are dark silhouettes.  There's a soft breeze blowing and it picks up strands of your hair every once in a while.  The sun kisses your face, the temperature is perfect.  Maybe you're near the coastline, and there's a beach close by.  Can you hear the waves rolling?  Me, too.  You take a walk, down along the beach.  Your toes sink into the sand and leave imprints whose fates are to be washed away moments later by the ever-changing sea.  You pause to stare out at the ocean that disappears at the horizon.  The sun lies off to the side, sinking at its leisurely summer pace.  Water washes over your feet rhythmically, and it's soothing.  You close your eyes and turn your face to the sun, soaking up its warmth once more.  The stretch of beach is lonely, but in a good way.  It's just you and the wooden boardwalk a few meters away, until someone comes beside you and takes your hand - who is it?  Perhaps a lover, or a friend.  Perhaps a parent, a brother or sister.  The hand is reassuring; safety is in that touch.  You smile, and doesn't it feel amazing.  It reaches your eyes and spreads through your whole body until smile is all you can do.  You're at peace, with the sky, the sun, the sand, the water, the land, the birds.  You're happy with your life, content and comfortable.  But what's more is you're finally at peace with yourself.  You're happy with who you are, proud. 

But maybe it's winter.  If it's winter, I see a field covered by a thick blanket of snow.  It's late afternoon and the sun is lower in the sky, glowing in a way that it can't any other time of year.  It, too, casts shadows.  The temperature isn't too cold, and there is a slight breeze.  It picks up the lighter, top layer of snow and throws the sparkly particles around in dreamy swirls.  It glitters and catches the sun in a way no other medium could.  You breathe and for once your breath is visible, forming tiny clouds that dance in front of you.  You're just taking a lazy walk down an old road, lined on either side by those old wooden fences you only ever seem to see in the countryside.  You always liked those fences as a child - their haphazardness and imperfection fascinated you.  It still does, in a way.  It's a refreshing change from the cookie-cutter houses you're used to seeing.  Everyone's so caught up in the new, no one seems to embrace the old anymore.  Moving forward is good, yes, but never forget things that once were.  Old houses are prettier in their own way, because they have stories to tell, in every floorboard and tile; the same way a woman lined with age has a story for every wrinkle she bears.  Age is a beauty of its own, but we forget that.  Maybe we shouldn't.

Just some creative writing and musings inspired by Circadian Eyes' song Swing Set.  Get it here.  Check him out!  Maybe these words and the music will take you somewhere, at least for a few moments.  Goodness knows we all need to get away for at least a little while.

A Story

I wrote this last year.  It was very much spur of the moment, and just kind of poured out of me.  It could use a little editing, but for now here's the unedited version.

It's raining outside today. Late afternoon turning into early evening; the street lamps are already on. It's spring so rain isn't out of the ordinary. I sit at my window perched above the street. Rain drops make ripples in the dozens of puddles, on the sidewalk, in the street. I glance down and there's a little girl - she's jumping in puddles. So innocent and sweet, with her rubber boots, jacket and umbrella. They all match, pretty red with white polka-dots. She's blonde, and someday I know she'll be beautiful.
She is the only child on a residential street full of adults. We've all grown up, she has no siblings. Her parents let her play alone. She has no friends here, except for the ones in her head. She has plenty, and they are enough; they keep her happy. Sometimes I sit back and wonder, try to remember what it was like to be innocent. It's hard when you've seen the world, seen the good bad and the ugly. But mainly the ugly. Maybe it's just me. But that's all I ever see.
I wonder if the little girl will grow up to be an introvert, like me. Will she be able to tell people her problems? I hope so. I wouldn't want her innocence to be lost, I wouldn't want her to lose faith in the world, in society. The way the rest of the street has. Not many youth around, I'm one of the youngest. The rest, a bunch of time-weathered weary adults who've grown old too fast with a bleak view of society and don't care enough to change the world they so hate.
But I just sit here and watch. I watch them hate it, watch them gossip, watch them grow older. I watch them care less, but more about the perfectly manicured lawn, the fancy car in the driveway. Because that's all they have. So I watch. I watch the little girl jumping in puddles.
Her parents have become corrupted by the rest of them, you know. They don't care anymore. They don't spend time outside with her. The unfinished treehouse in the backyard stands testament to how no one cares to bother anymore. But she still jumps in puddles, and talks aloud to the friends she's invented in her mind. I wish it were that simple, and I wish she'd never have to look back on it like I do. But I know she will.
Her friends aren't perfect. That is what makes her special, different. They don't always listen to what she has to say. They don't always agree with her - on what game to play, what song to sing, when it's time to go home. But this adds to the concern of the street's society. Is she crazy, they ask. I want to scream and shout and my emotions are a whirlwind of anger and contempt and say she's only five years old!
But.
They won't listen.
Because they never do.
They don't have to.
After years of sitting back, they don't bother.
And I think that's sad.
I remember the days that I could jump in puddles like the little girl. It was one of my favourite things to do. Rainy days were my favourite. Now I hate them. I can't jump in puddles, because it would be frowned upon. I'm too old. I grew up too fast, but these days, so does everyone. I see girls giving themselves away to the first guy, they don't care. No one cared to tell them how special it's supposed to be, so why should they care?
No one gives credit to children. They see so much more than us most of the time. They aren't stupid. We can learn from them.
But instead we're obsessed.
With teaching them.
Teaching them all the time, asserting our authority, putting ourselves high above the rest like cleopatra or the roman gods and goddesses of whom we, incidentally, tell stories about.
Soul crushers, that's what they've all become. They crushed mine long ago. I can't watch her soul get crushed. She has a big soul, big heart. She cares. She tells other people to care. Tries to show them how.
But they just
Don't
Listen.
And still she carries on, as if to say 'their loss', which, it is.
And now she jumps in puddles, with her umbrella and doll, and the friends so real to her that we just can't see.
As I'm watching her something begins to happen. There's a flash of color and I see blue but when I blink it's grey again. And raining. And she's still jumping.
But then the sky is falling fast and hard but she keeps jumping, she can't hear it. She doesn't notice she doesn't see it, why doesn't she see it! I cry out to her, panes of glass and meters of distance separating us I know she can't hear me. The sky falls on top of her and I can see her little doll in hand, her feet sticking out from beneath the piece of grey. There's a hole in the sky now but I don't care, I need go help the girl.
I'm running and there's wind in my hair, and colors surround me but I know it's a grayscale world today. They all stand around and stare at the giant piece of sky and the little girl, but oh God why don't they help!
I rush to her side and try to move the sky but it is heavy with the burdens of a million and three souls. I try and no one helps, they just watch. One says not to bother, it's better that way.
Her parents are still in the house.
They don't know
Or
They just don't care.
But they should.
Because the sky fell down on a little girl jumping in puddles. She had imaginary friends that had problems the same way she, you and I do. She wore a red rain jacket with red rubber boots and held a matching red umbrella. The sky fell down that day and now there is a hole where it used to be. That hole may never get filled. The sky fell down.

Written by Amanda Hunt

A Casual Day of Protest

Today was Canada's National Day of Action, or All Out February 1.  If you're attending a university in Canada, chances are you know what this is, or have at least heard of it.  But for anyone out there who might not know, the Day of Action is a day in which universities and student unions across the country band together to protest ridiculous tuition fees, among other things.  Every university and province is going to be protesting something different, but it is done together on the same day.
     Universities in Nova Scotia were protesting rising tuition fees - the NDP Government plans to raise tuition by 3% (after already raising it this year) and cut funding by 3%.  Now let me take this space to cover a few bases: there was quite a divide in regards to this protest.  Many students thought it was dumb, because 3% isn't a lot of money.  Yes, I am aware, thanks to your 50 Facebook status updates, that 3% amounts roughly to $240.  But that's not the point - maybe by today's standards, that isn't a lot of money.  I'll gladly agree that in my eyes, $240 isn't that much.  But to some people, that can make or break a chance to go to school.  Hell, to some people $240 is a huge sum of money - take a homeless man standing outside Tim Hortons everyday: $240 could be a night's stay in a hotel.  A night in a bed, with a bathroom, the ability to take a nice, hot shower.  So though to us more fortunate, $240 is measly.  But don't forget how lucky we are to be able to say that.
     Luckily, you've all been so genius to offer up solutions, two of which were quite popular: something about spending less money on alcohol, and getting eight extra hours a week at work.  So yes, alcohol is not a necessity, I get that.  Who's to say that all these people are unable to afford an extra $240 for school because they can't give up their drinking habits?  That's just a weak and unfair argument.  If they can't give up alcohol, they probably didn't make it that far in school.
     As for the extra hours at work?  Sorry, it doesn't work that way.  I can't just walk up to my boss with my hand out and say "Hey, I need eight extra hours this week," because a) I'm not the only one who works there, I can't just take other people's hours, and b) the company doesn't always have those hours to give out; they can't just pull them out of their ass.  That's not to mention the many students who are unemployed - getting a job isn't exactly the easiest at these times.  Though these two points are good and have some credibility behind them, please, don't bash the protest all together.  It's about something bigger than that.
     Nova Scotia already has the highest tuition in the country to begin with - at the very least, it should stay the same.  But raising it?  That's just going too far.  No one went to that protest today thinking that a group of students standing on the side of the road in front the office of Darrel Dexter (who wasn't even there today) was going to completely change his mind - that's not the point.  The point is to let him know that we're pissed off, and that we're not going to sit quietly when he does this.  We have the right to protest, and we're damn lucky to have it, too - why not exercise that right?  Who cares if it doesn't make a difference right here and now?  Who's to say that it won't make a difference down the road? 
     I want to make my voice heard.  If you don't want to protest because it's not 'that much', then go ahead and become a docile society.  But here's my issue: my generation is going to be running the country and this province someday, and I'd like them to be educated - if tuition goes any higher, they won't be.  At the rate things are going, we'll be headed back in time in no time - to times where the rich will stay rich and the poor will stay poor.  I know no matter what we'll need to pay for post-secondary educations, and that's okay.  But it should be accessible to more than one economic bracket - people should have a chance to get out of poverty.
     A high school diploma doesn't cut it anymore; the bachelor's degree is what get's you a job, now.  I'm lucky - neither of my parents went to university, but they ended up getting good jobs and we are in a good financial standing.  They're paying for all of my school, we get to go on trips every year, and the fridge is always full.  But I could easily have ended up in a different situation, and I know how lucky I am.  I have friends who will come out of university with debt up to their eyeballs, and I could have been put in the same situation.  So I'm there to support them, and my parents, who shouldn't have to pay this much money for me to have a chance to continue living the kind of life I live now.
   In conclusion, some positives.  There's strength in numbers, and there is nothing like the feeling of energy that emanates from a crowd of people who are banded together by a passion and need to express it.  The group was phenomenal and respectful for the most part, and we had a lot of fun.  I'm so grateful to have been a part of it and proud of everyone involved, including those who supported us apart from the physical rally.  We made our voices heard, and that's what counts.   
     In all this anger and protest, though, let's not forget this: we are incredibly lucky to have a chance to get a post-secondary education at all.

Idaho

     So I'm currently listening to this album.  I've been in love with it for a while, but now as February roles in and my usual bout of the February Blues is gearing up in full swing, I find myself listening to this and craving summer.  This song (the whole album, really) makes me dream of lazy summer nights, that gorgeous time around eight or nine where the sun's starting to set and the trees and grass are silhouetted black against the sky.  Sitting around a campfire with friends, maybe at the beach.  The air is so fresh and the temperature is perfect and you just breathe in and everything is free and fine.  It makes me think of going for drives with friends and listening to the most mellow music and having the deepest conversations.  Everything is out in the open, everyone is home.
     Summer is so nice, especially the evenings.  It doesn't get dark ridiculously early; you can wander around wherever you please for however long.  The park, your neighborhood, anywhere.  One thing I miss is the feeling of the sun kissing your skin.  Whether it's in the middle of the day or near the end of it, there's no feeling like the summer sun.  Summer is easy.  You can relax, tilt your head back, stare at the sky, lounge in the sun, listen to music, read your favorite book; anything.
     So as I listen to Idaho by Gregory Alan Isakov, I miss summer.  It's just around the corner, but with school, cold weather and waking up in the dark, it convincingly looks miles away.  For now I guess all I get are images in my mind of summer sunsets and endless conversations.
     Anyone out there?  I'm doubtful.  But reader, if you are, what's your favorite part about summer?  Do you miss it, too?  Or do you hate it; more of a winter person?
     Here's to February Blues edition 2012; I miss my Vitamin D.

Dressing in the Dark

     My alarm went off promptly at 5:03am this morning, just like it does every weekday.  Don't ask me why 5:03, because I couldn't tell you - it's not like I actually get my ass out of bed at that time.  I used to, in Grade 11.  Then I discovered my hair looked pretty decent in its natural curly state; don't need to get up to straighten my hair every day now?  Better use that time to sleep!  It's probably a habitual thing.  Either that or it's some OCD part of me.  But that's okay. 
     Anyway, I'm opening my eyes to the dark of my bedroom.  The first thing I see is the red stare of the numbers on my digital alarm clock radio.  I reach over to hit the snooze button and all of a sudden that noise-of-every-electric-appliance-or-thing-in-your-household-shutting-down happened and the red numbers are gone.  Huh.  What the hell just happened there?  At first 5:03am half-asleep me thought I might have blown a fuse; there was still light coming from the night-light in the hallway (mainly there so if I or my brother need to stumble into the bathroom in the wee hours of the morning neither of us fall down the stairs).  So I reached over to turn the lamp behind my bed on because it's plugged into another outlet.  No dice.  Feeling a little annoyed, I got out of bed and walked across the room to flick the light switch.  Still no dice.  Well hell.  It took me forever to catch on - hey, it was 5am.  I opened my bedroom door and looked down the stairs and saw nothing; it could have been a black hole down there, seriously.  Normally there's a little night-light in the hallway down there, but the black abyss told me it was not on.  Oh.  So, the power's out.  Great.
     I didn't care that much.  I mean, it was still 5am, and I wasn't going to need to get up until around seven to pack my bag, put on some clothes and slap on some makeup.  I assumed it'd be back on in five minutes anyways.  I shut my bedroom door quietly and listened for the sounds of heavy wind.
      Except there was no sound of heavy wind.  There was maybe a slight breeze.  And some rain hitting the roof.  Still not bothered, I set the alarm on my iPhone for 6:30.  Open my eyes an hour later to see, well, not the red numbers of my alarm clock.  Um.  I shrugged, reset the alarm for 6:45 and closed my eyes for 15 more minutes of sleep.  Mum rapped on the door to tell me the power was out.  I mumbled back something sarcastic.
     Finally crawled out of bed at around seven.  Stumbling around in the dark I tried to find clothes that matched, by candle-light and the light of my laptop.  I don't care what anyone says, getting dressed in the dark is hard.  My bangs were an unruly mess (I usually straighten just them) but no power meant no straightener.  I was past the point of caring - I really just wished the rest of the city was lacking power so I wouldn't have to go to school.  But again, no dice.
     What later annoyed me was that the power was on until I woke up.  Literally seconds after I opened my eyes the power went off.  Had it been spring or summer it wouldn't have mattered nearly as much, if at all - it's light out so early.  But late January?  It's dark until like, 7 or 7:30. 
     Redeeming part of my morning?  We didn't leave for Halifax until after eight, which meant more naps for me.  I also got a drive from Mum to Starbucks and to the front door of my school.  So I didn't get drenched, that was cool.
     So after the stressful morning, I decided I'd have a relaxing night.  I indulged in a hot bath with a bath bomb from Lush.  Yum!
     Well, that was my day.  I'm happily sitting in bed all nice and toasty blogging about it now, perhaps going to make some tea. 

Musings

Currently listening to: Fast, Fast - Let's Buy Happiness

     So today, I stayed home sick.  I shouldn't have, because today was the only day of journalism classes I get this week, but I was so not feeling getting out of bed.  I could hear the wind blowing outside, I knew it was supposed to rain, my head was pounding (no, I did not party last night) and my throat was on fire.  My bed held me in its warm embrace - ever notice how your bed is at its comfiest when it's time to get out of it?  I stood up and had that gross dizzy feeling that comes with a head cold; nope, today was not happening.  The prospect of dragging myself out of bed and venturing over to Halifax to actually do work and listen to lectures I wouldn't get anything out of because I'd be too busy noticing the incessant throbbing in my head just didn't seem so appealing.  So I told mum I wouldn't be joining her on our daily morning journey across the harbour and crawled back into bed... and slept.
      I guess we all need a 'me' day every once in a while, and today was one of those days.  Eventually I woke up and made a cup of coffee.  Forgot to mention in my intro: I am hopelessly addicted to coffee.  Perhaps not actually addicted, but I drink it faithfully at least once a day (um, usually twice or more but..).  Brought the laptop downstairs and worked on my journalism assignment due today.  I thought it turned out pretty well; we had to interview someone about a loved one who had passed away.

     I like sitting at my kitchen table when I'm home alone - we have a really great view of a lake because the house is on the side of a hill.  It's peaceful.  Today was a dreary, cloudy, foggy, bleak day.  Shocking weather for the East Coast, right?  You get used to it, after a while.  Granted, you'll never stop complaining about it, but it does grow on you.  Besides, it makes you all the more grateful for the sunny days!

Typical view from the kitchen window - only now the trees are bare and it looks (and is) colder

Introduction

Well hey there.  I decided I'd start a blog.  I'm not one hundred percent sure which direction it'll be headed in, but hey, all the more fun it'll be.

Let's start with the basics.  I'm going to try to remain anonymous.*  What you can know is that I'm an eighteen-year-old girl living in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia, Canada.  It's a pretty average city that has been the brunt of a lot of jokes, lately.  This charming little town has churned out some great musicians, Joel Plaskett and Matt Mays to name a few.  (Haven't heard of them? Listen to two of my favourite songs here [Joel] and here [Matt]).  I may be biased; these guys have super nostalgic value for me, reminding me especially of high school.  They sound like the East Coast (is that weird? Probably), in a way.  They sound like home.

I'm currently attending classes at the University of King's College, located across the harbour in the lovely city of Halifax.  Let's get this one thing straight: I LOVE my university.  I couldn't have asked for a better first year, and it isn't even over yet.  I'm studying journalism over the course of my four years there, but currently I'm in the Foundation Year Programme, which dominates a lot of my time. 

I'm also really into music.  I love finding new bands and musicians to listen to as often as possible - if you know of any, I'm always open for suggestions.  I intend on making music a key part of this blog.
I guess that covers all the bases.  If you have any questions feel free to ask in the comments.  I'll be setting up a specific email for this blog soon!

*I was going to try that, but it'll come out sooner or later